Dib's Daring Adventures: Dib Meets Mupert Rurdoch
by Burnt Noodles
Summary: Dib comes home tired and mad at the world. But that all changes when he sees a commercial that will save life as we know it...and then THAT all changes when random cameos appear and wreak havoc on the poor soul. Warning: Do not feed the hedgehogs.


Um…yeah. Forgive me, folks. I wrote this last night when I couldn't get to sleep…so you _know_ it's good! This is my first ever fanfic, and, I'm sorry to say, it sucks. Hopefully, my next one may (or may not) have a plot. Just keep in mind that not all my stories will be like this. I just desperately wanted to post something, and, uh, this is the tragic result. It's rated T due to mild language and a very short graphic scene (I'll just tell you what it is: a finger is cut off, but it's not described in detail.).

Note: If you don't like random stories in which nothing makes any logical sense, then read this anyway and then criticize me about it. Just keep in mind that it's not meant to be taken **_too_** seriously. So…do what you want.

Now I'll shut up and let you read the horrible thing. Enjoy?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim. If I did, I wouldn't butcher it by writing this horrible disgrace on humanity, now would I? **

Dib came home and threw his things on the floor. He sighed as he plopped onto the couch, exasperated. Why was life so difficult? Nothing ever went the way he wanted it to. Everyday was just another futile attempt at trying to expose Zim's true identity. He always ended up being publicly humiliated and hated by his classmates. If that damned alien was so stupid, how come Dib was always outsmarted by the wretched thing? It would be nice if for once, just once, things could go the way he planned. He sighed again. Dib lowered himself off of the couch and onto the floor. He stared blankly at the television screen. Not knowing what else to do, he reached for the remote and turned it on. There was an intriguing advertisement on the screen:

"Are you tired of chopping vegetables for dinner, only to chop off your fingers?" came an annoying voice. A woman in very skimpy clothing was on the screen chopping tomatoes. Suddenly, she missed. Blood squirted out as the skank—I mean scantily clad woman—screeched, "Aaaah! It's as if I've…!" The woman could not finish her sentence. Dib stared indifferently as the woman keeled over onto the floor.

"Are they even allowed to show that on television?" Dib said aloud to no one in particular.

"If you answered yes," came the voice again, "then try the amazing 'Super Ultra Fantastic Mega Robot Wow Safety Knife' for only 49.95, plus thirty-percent tax, and shipping and handling. Not only will it keep you from dying from blood loss, it will do your laundry, perform open-heart surgery, and bring world peace!" Dib thought for a moment. This was some safety knife! It would keep him from amputating himself, which happened a lot lately. This knife could solve all of his troubles. After all, they couldn't say it on television if it wasn't true.

Right before Dib could dial the number the annoying voice on the TV said to call a thousand times, something happened.

The Earth quaked. Rocks split in half. Dib cautiously peered out the window. There was fire all around. As Dib looked up he saw what appeared to be millions of stars falling. The poor boy continued staring in horror and awe as four horsemen galloped round the neighborhood.

Dib began to panic. "Gaz! Come look! I think it's the apocalypse!"

"It is not!" came an annoyed voice from upstairs.

Suddenly, the floor beneath Dib opened, forming a deep crevice. Out of it came the infamous...Mupert Rurdoch!

"Greetings, filthy Earth slime!" the tyrant began, "I am Mupert Rurdoch. No, not Rupert Murdoch, Mupert Rurdoch! I have come to steal your souls."

"But, there's only one of us...er, I mean, me. There's only one of me," stuttered Dib, only a tad bit surprised. Well, of course he didn't mention Gaz. He couldn't let her have all the fun.

"Well, congratulations," Mupert retorted. "But before I steal your souls, I mean, soul, I am going to put on a show! But an educational show. It's edutainment."

Dib stared at the old man.

"Now, for my first trick, I will use my magical, educational, entertaining Bag of World Capitals!"

Dib continued to stare.

"Don't you get it?" Mupert questioned anxiously. "See, it's entertaining, but it's also about world capitals. That makes it educational. 'Cause you know kids these days. Always watching shows about aliens or sponges or robotic monkeys, even, instead of studying their world capitals."

Dib continued to stare.

"Oh! Uh, sorry," explained the tycoon, "That was for a different FanFic. What I meant to say was, 'Bag of DEATH!'"

Dib scratched his nose and continued to stare.

Out of Mupert's bag flew 1,906,834,652,987,034,274,914,263,823,009,677,254 little blue balls that seemed to share the same characteristics as hedgehogs with...rabies.

Suddenly, Dib's sister, Gaz, ran downstairs and into the room. "Oh, my God!" she yelled. "They're...multiplying!"

As if on cue, the 1,906,834,652,987,034,274,914,263,823,009,677,254 little blue balls became 2,980,722,013,546,722,008,657,835,786,118,231,734 little blue balls. They began to attack Gaz mercilessly.

"Help! I'm melting! Melting! Oh, what a world, what a world!"

Dib, reacting in the most rational way possible, got on his knees and begged Mupert for mercy. "Oh, please, good sir! What may I do to avoid drowning in the horrific mountain of rabid, blue hedgehogs? I will betray my friends and neighbors and join your services. I will read the Wall Street Journal. I will do whatever you please, just do not throw me to my blue, hedgehoggy doom!"

Mupert considered this offer for a moment. "You can do nothing!" he finally said. "You can either die a man or a coward!"

Dib made his decision quickly, and was swallowed by a hedgehog, kicking and screaming and crying for his daddy.

After breaking free, Gaz noticed how quiet it was. Yes, the little blue balls were growling endlessly, but she could not hear the normal complaints of her brother. "Dib!" she cried, but in vain. "Oh, Dib," Gaz moaned.

"Your brother is dead," said Mupert, "Now you must continue watching my Edutaining Show of Terror! Watch as I pull a rabbit out of Jhonen Vasquez!" Sure enough, Mupert pulled an albino rabbit out of the mouth of a confused looking orange-haired man. When he finished, the bunny—and Professor Vasquez—escaped from Mupert's deadly grip, only to be swallowed by two particularly voracious hedgehogs.

"Now," continued Mupert, "watch carefully as I—"

Mupert Rurdoch was silenced as Captain Jack Sparrow jumped into the room and flung the Super Ultra Fantastic Mega Robot Wow Safety Knife in his face. "Take _that_ you filthy mogul!" he shrieked. Gaz was speechless, until she spoke.

"Oh, Jack, you saved me!"

"Obviously," stated Jack flatly. Gaz ran up to him and started making out with the hot pirate. Out of nowhere, a small cyan-eyed robot ran into the room. The android began giggling insanely while throwing bacon at some surrounding hedgehogs. The droid was followed by an anthropomorphic yellow kitchen sponge in square pants. The sponge began to sing about fun, campfire songs, and people with Apple Bottom jeans and those boots with the fur.

Jack and Gaz stared at the sponge. Then Spiderman and Forest Gump burst through the window and preached about power, responsibility, boxes of chocolate, the birds, and the bees.

Three seconds later, Hephaestus flew into the room and began chanting. "I predict that several more horribly random cameos are to come. Be prepared, and take these lightning bolts with you—"

Suddenly, the remaining rabid hedgehogs swallowed everyone.

**I warned you. However, I would love some reviews. Pretty please? You don't wanna see me cry, do you? Don't answer that.**


End file.
